Just In Case .. .. ..

A friend of mine once told me, he always lives in the moment and only believes what he sees and feels right at that very moment .. .. ..

Coming from a traditional Asian family, I was told to save for the future and to always prepare for failure. I often expect for the worst and forget to hope for the best. My dad always tells me to save every possible penny just in case .. .. ..

Just in case .. .. .. I realized that I have been trapped for all my life for the "just in case". I was told to be conservative, to play safe, to make sure that it's all clear before taking the next step, to be prepared for the "just in case". One other thing that my dad told me is that the more you sacrifice now the more rewards you will receive at the end.

I was quite convinced by all these "just in case" theories until recently that something has been bugging me and couldn't help wondering: Isn't life built up by every moment that we go through, isn't life a journey instead of a destination, okay, if it's really a destination, where will life take us? And .. .. .. if we don't enjoy this moment, what more can we expect or do we actually know what are the possibilities and how sweet can that be if we had never tasted sweet?? Moreover, what if the expectation grew so great and whatever turned out was not exactly what you had in mind .. .. .. but there is no way to turn the clock back and you had lost all the chances to experience what you could have, what would you do?

Big question mark, really ... ... do we live in the moment or do we preserve for a "better future" (as if there is a "better future")? I guess we just need to reach some sort of balance so that we don't fall into the unhealthy cycle of self-pity.

I will therefore:
- pack my bag and make the trip with or without company whenever I need an escape
- try my best to hope for the best
- keep on being a little naive and let the child inside of me stay for as long as I live
- laugh out loud even at stupid jokes
- get up and move on instead of sit and cry, no matter what
- not let anybody tell how I should live my life

Half-way Through .. .. .. 一半

今年，有很多事情都剛好到達了一半，我15歲開始一個人的生活，算一算，我的人生剛好有一半的時間是獨自生活，我出國八年，回台灣八年，總合這段時間，剛好算走到了一個中間點，又是一個一半：再多走一步， 再多過一年，我的人生就會傾向某一邊，某一種生活型態多一些 ．．．．．．

沒有任何的原因，對於這個時間點，我突然感到有點不安，覺得好像有種被定下來的感覺，覺得自己好像漸漸習慣這種安逸，覺得自己好像失去了那股改變的動力和勇氣，覺得想放下一些東西卻又無能為力，覺得自己好像忘了怎麼天馬行空，覺得自己，老了 ．．．．．．

漸漸的，我從那個頭也不回，大步向前進邁向未知的我， 變成像是被定了格，望著別人的背影說再見的我！ 跟變比起來，我其實比較怕不變； 跟離開比起來，我其實比較怕留下； 留下來，總會有好多好多的觸景傷情． 所以，我寧願只帶著回憶大步大步，頭也不回地向前未知邁進　．．．　．．．